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 Post subject: World Cup 2014 Preview
PostPosted: Wed Jun 11, 2014 5:09 pm 
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With all the hype surrounding the World Cup starting tomorrow, I thought I'd give my OFFICIAL GODDAM preview of this thing.
First off, let's talk about Soccer, or or as other people in the world call it Football (phoenetic pronounciation: "WE AHR STAHRVING HELP"). Let's be honest, we don't care. I mean, I hope the USA wins, but not because I would swell with pride, more in a way that we would be trolling the rest of the world and any country we beat will never get over it. Clearly much of the world puts everything they've got into soccer against the USA until NBC gets ahold of NASCAR, puts it in the Olympics and adds a TEAM format.
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So with that said, make sure you have a TON of booze on hand. Remember, soccer goes on for FORTY FIVE MINUTES in a row without commercials. Not that you will miss something, I just think you should have a TON of booze on hand. I consider it a best practice.

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FUUUUCKKK YEAH WORLD CUP BITCHESSS!!!
Here we gooooo!!!

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and then
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20 minutes later
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Holy Christ those 4 years between soccer viewing and you tend to forget how much you are just watching the fukking grass grow out on the field. (editor’s note: don’t call the field a “pitch” or I swear to god I will punch you in the throat).



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Well at least you have a stockpile of BOOZE to get you through this. All of this Bengazhi stuff, strip mall shootings, and everything Skip Bayless has ever said tends to drag this country down. Lost in the rising tide of discontent in this country are true signs of progress, innovation, and CAN do attitude. Yeah the fucking Space Shuttle is something we USED to do and have abandoned the great dream of exploring space…. But FUCK YEAH have you noticed the simmering CAN WARS between the titans of high ABV beer? 25oz cans have quietly taken hold of the market. Who’s going to 26? Will the swill CAN break the 30oz mark by the end of the decade? U-S-A! U-S-A!



So pound a few twenty FIVE ouncers and give this soccer game another chance.
Hey someone is ABOUT TO SCORE!!!

Eeehhhh.. What’s this…???

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Oh yeah, be aware there is that CRIPPLING offsides rule in soccer which seems specifically designed to prevent scoring. If I gave more than 0.78 fucks, I would completely be amongst the throngs who take one bad offside call and torch the place.
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So in summary, after less than one half of the first game, I’ll be back to pounding beers while watching some random Royals/Rays game that has less than 5,000 people at it while the rest of the world holds it’s breath on the world cup.

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whatever. That shit will be on the ticker on the bottom of the screen, and if anyone ever does score it will probably be on ESPNews when I “wake up” at 3:46AM to piss.


Before long we can forget this ever happened and get back to America’s true pastime: Scouring Browns training camp footage for any evidence Johnny Football is as hungover as we are.


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 Post subject: World Cup 2014 Preview
PostPosted: Wed Jun 11, 2014 5:49 pm 
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Holy fukking R A C K!!!

You, sir, have been missed.

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PostPosted: Wed Jun 11, 2014 7:08 pm 
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So you're not a David Beckham fan??


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PostPosted: Wed Jun 11, 2014 7:35 pm 
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Location: ^ That's right bitches ^
How can such a shit sport spawn such a money take? Rack Gus P!!!

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Yeah, it's sorta like that.....

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I'm well aware that there is an appetite for my deliveries.


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PostPosted: Wed Jun 11, 2014 11:39 pm 
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Location: You wife, your woman on the side, and your mother.
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The center of Hell is in Brazil. Brazil.

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"Whooooooo theeee FUCK isssss Colonel Kurtz?"


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PostPosted: Thu Jun 12, 2014 4:30 am 
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RACK gus polidor and RACK 25 ounce cans !!!!

gus polidor wrote:
Scouring Browns training camp footage for any evidence Johnny Football is as hungover as we are.


:lol:

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Jsc810 wrote:
Trump will lose by a larger margin than Romney or McCain. It will be a very clear expression by the American voters.


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PostPosted: Thu Jun 12, 2014 5:02 am 
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A fucking EPIC blast right in Soccer's collective grill by Gus!! We really should be trying to guess the number of collapsed bleachers and fan deaths. That could make it :popcorn: worthy if they show it.


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PostPosted: Thu Jun 12, 2014 3:55 pm 
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This gus polidor fella has DC Smackmaster talent.

That's a good thing.






velocet


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PostPosted: Thu Jun 12, 2014 5:10 pm 
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England won't win a game, that alone should be cause for celebration.


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PostPosted: Fri Jun 13, 2014 6:39 am 
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Let's just hope the Al-queda 5 have their eyes on Brazil. This COULD be epic


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PostPosted: Fri Jun 13, 2014 10:37 am 
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Location: "somewhere deep in the bowels of a nondescript building in an undisclosed location,"
JohnHarrison wrote:
The center of Hell is in Brazil.
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There go our fermented molasses imports :paperbag:
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PostPosted: Fri Jun 13, 2014 11:17 am 
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I have two problems with that infographic, and both of them have to do with step 4. Turning perfectly good ethanol into poison is immoral. And secondly, step 4 is always Wipe Cock on Drapes.

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PostPosted: Fri Jun 13, 2014 12:10 pm 
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But (otherwise, it is similar to moonshine) in Step 4 doesn't sound bad.

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Jsc810 wrote:
Trump will lose by a larger margin than Romney or McCain. It will be a very clear expression by the American voters.


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PostPosted: Fri Jun 13, 2014 5:40 pm 
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PostPosted: Sun Jun 15, 2014 3:36 am 
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PostPosted: Mon Jun 16, 2014 5:12 pm 
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USA assrapes Ghana. England still winless.

Life is good.


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PostPosted: Mon Jun 16, 2014 6:43 pm 
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Everytime I watch soccer, I think to myself "those pussies sure are in shape...but they are still pussies" All the flopping and also the inconsistencies of the play. You can knock that guy out of the way, but if you and another player both go up to head for the ball and he falls down, out comes some fruity card on you?? :punchballs:


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PostPosted: Mon Jun 16, 2014 8:00 pm 
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That's why I kicked players really hard in the nuts when I played the game when I was a kid. Seldom ever got carded.


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PostPosted: Tue Jun 17, 2014 5:56 am 
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PostPosted: Wed Jun 18, 2014 1:47 pm 
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Mexican TV reporter Vanessa Huppenkothen


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But hey, don't worry about any of that. It's funny to have a political neophyte as the POTUS, just look at this and laugh.

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LtR: President Trump, fedgov


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PostPosted: Thu Jun 19, 2014 1:03 pm 
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1/3 the hotness of Ines Sainz.

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PostPosted: Thu Jun 19, 2014 2:57 pm 
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HighPlainsGrifter wrote:
Ines Sainz

Aren't there rules in this palce? :confused:

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PostPosted: Sun Jun 22, 2014 7:05 am 
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So the US team plays Portugal at 6pm.

This is the main threat on the Portuguese team..

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 Post subject: World Cup 2014 Preview
PostPosted: Sun Jun 22, 2014 7:06 am 
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Kid N Play consigns that haircut.

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PostPosted: Sun Jun 22, 2014 7:08 am 
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His eyebrows are styled...and it looks like he may be wearing mascara.


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